You made me cry and you don't even care
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
