You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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