mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
