Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Randomize
