just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize