the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
