they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
