Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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