its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
