respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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