how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
