i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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