y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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