all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
