i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
