nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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