Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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