I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
