I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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