My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Randomize
