batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
