shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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