I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
