remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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