it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
