sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
