He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
