dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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