doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
