i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I need to calm my uterus...
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
