she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
