So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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