you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
