she smelled like a LAN party
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
