i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
