omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
