a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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