what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
my liver is dry heaving
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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