My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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