apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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