..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
