Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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