Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
