I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
