There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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