she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
