He is such a slut. More and more my type.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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