the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
