omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize
