I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I look better un-naked...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
