Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
