did you get engaged???
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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