Nicole vs. Life
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
