you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize