Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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