I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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