i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
