its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
