she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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