Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
