My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
