It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
