Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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