broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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