my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
