Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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