hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
