so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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