I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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