Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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