Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
