if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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