tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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