She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
