Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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