i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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