As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
There's a naked man in my car right now.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
