don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Alive.
So much puke
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
A bitchslap is in order.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
