The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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