I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
