So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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