If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
