I want to stick my p in your. b.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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