I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
