a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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