is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
