You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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