He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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