Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
