My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I wear drunk well.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
