I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
