i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
