before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
