pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i just had sex bonerless
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
