She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Congratulations! We have a period
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize