I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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