Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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