hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
