If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I am available for nakedness
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
