The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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