Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
