Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
