i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
