Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
