fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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